


The Light Will Come

by Avery (KatKittrell)



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Gale, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Child Abuse, Depression, Drug Abuse, Dubious Consent, Eventual Romance, Everlark forever fuck yeah, F/F, F/M, Forced Abortion, Gale Bashing, Gore, Hunger Games-Typical Death/Violence, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I was high on painkillers when i started writing this, M/M, Miscarriage, Multi, Oh that also reminds me trigger warning for drug use, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Politics, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recreational Drug Use, References to Canon, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2019-10-20 03:01:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17614163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatKittrell/pseuds/Avery
Summary: When Katniss was reaped for the Hunger Games, she ended up getting a lot more than she bargained for. Fighting for her life is easy compared to all the other horrors that she and her family are about to face in these depraved times.MOSTLY CANON COMPLIANT IN THE BEGINNING BUT IT'S STILL KIND OF AN A/USEE NOTES ON CHAPTER ONE FOR TRIGGER WARNING AND READ THE TAGSIf this work is beginning to upset you, I advise that you please stop reading it immediately and talk to your support team. I am not responsible for your reaction or resulting behaviour in regards to any of the chapters or comments on this work.EDIT: I tend to write instead of sleep so this will be one ofthoseficsInspired by and dedicated to the wonderful duo FanficAllergy and RoseFyre





	1. The Reaping

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FanficAllergy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanficAllergy/gifts), [RoseFyre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseFyre/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Let Me Fly](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3209726) by [FanficAllergy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanficAllergy/pseuds/FanficAllergy), [RoseFyre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseFyre/pseuds/RoseFyre). 



> DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Hunger Games series or any of its characters, they belong to Suzanne Collins. I own only the characters that I've created and part of the plot of this story. There are some parts/lines/sentences of this story that are pulled directly from the books, but those parts also belong exclusively to Suzanne Collins.  
> TRIGGER WARNING: This work contains graphic depictions and/or mentions heavy themes such as rape, abuse, self-harm, depression, torture, suicide, death, violence, forced abortion, and miscarriage. Additional trigger warnings will be added as needed, but please read at your own risk.  
>  _ **If this chapter/work is beginning to upset you, I advise that you please stop reading it immediately and talk to your support team. I am not responsible for your reaction or resulting behaviour in regards to any of the chapters or comments on this work.**_  
>  This story is inspired by and dedicated to the lovely duo FanficAllergy and RoseFyre (go check them out because they're really freaking awesome!), and was specifically inspired by their fic Let Me Fly. Hopefully my fic can hold a candle to their amazing work :)
> 
> EDIT: 2019/02/03 @12:03AM  
> Hey guys, gals, and non-binary pals! I'm having a weird problem where my end-of-chapter notes (eocn) aren't staying where they belong and like to go chill in other chapters. Currently, chapt. 1's eocn is chilling at the end of chapt. 2 and I have no idea how to fix it. I wrote in the summary and beginning-of-chapter note (bocn) on chapt. 3 (which hasn't gone up yet) that I'm going to be including disclaimers and trigger warnings in the chapter summaries as well as in the bocn of each new chapter just in case my bocns start moving around too, so since the warnings and disclaimers take priority, I'm going to have to keep my chapt. summaries really short so I'm sorry if you're a person that enjoys a longer summary but hey at least it minimizes the spoiler risk.  
> Anyway, I'm going to deny myself sleep again and get to work on chapter 3. I want to make it a longer chapter so it might not be up as quick as chapter 2 was (though to be fair I could have put a bit more effort into it and will probably go back and flesh it out some more in the future) but it will for sure be up sometime in the next few weeks. Night everyone and I hope y'all're having a wonderful day :)

Katniss awoke that morning as the first rays of light slid through the thin curtains of her family's home. She sighed quietly and slipped out of the bed that she usually shared with her sister, Prim, noting that the other side was empty. Glancing around the dimly-lit room, she saw that her sister had crept into their mother's bed sometime during the night, along with her demonic cat, Buttercup, as she usually did whenever she had a particularly bad nightmare. Katniss shook her head sadly to herself as she started to get dressed. It was no wonder that Prim'd had a nightmare, today was Reaping Day, and it was the first time that she'd be eligible to be chosen for this year's Hunger Games. That was enough to give anyone nightmares. She looked over at her sister all snuggled up to their mother and felt a pang of jealousy, which she quickly tamped down. It wouldn't do her any good to dwell on negative feelings today. She needed to be strong, for Prim, for their mother, for herself.  


She dressed in her hunting clothes, filled the kettle on the stove for tea for her family when they would eventually awaken, grabbed her empty hunting bag, and made her way down to the hole in the fence. She paused for a moment, listening to see if the electricity was on for the fence, but it almost never was, and right now it was off so she crawled through the gap at the bottom and strode off into the woods bordering District 12. She retrieved her hidden bow from the old hollow log she stored it in, along with her quiver of arrows, and went to check the snares that she and Gale had set the previous day. Along the way she'd stop to gather any edible plants and berries she could find, stashing them in her bag and popping a few wild raspberries into her mouth. Most of the snares were untouched, but a few held some treasures. Once she'd gotten to what was her and Gale's favourite hill, her hunting bag held two fat squirrels, a small wild turkey, and a nice plump rabbit along with the greens she'd gathered. She sat on a felled tree on their hill and watched the sun make the rest of it's way up into the sky, keeping her bow on her knee with an arrow nocked in case some desireable game wandered by as she waited for Gale to make an appearance. While she waited, she noticed a few mockingjays passing notes back and forth in the foliage above her, so she whistled a short tune of her own for them to mimic, smiling when her little song soon filled the air.

"Mmm, it's been a long time since I've heard that one," Gale smiled as he waltzed up to sit with Katniss, wrapping his arm around her shoulders in a familiar gesture of comfort

"The valley song has always been your favourite." she replied as she leaned into his embrace, taking in his smoky scent

They sat in silence for a moment, occasionally whistling out a few more notes for the birds to copy as their sweet chirping filled the air before Gale took a deep breath and opened his mouth.

"Catnip?"

"Hm?"

"Run away with me," he said, continuing quickly before she had time to protest, "I mean, look where we are, look what day it is. If we run now, we can escape this hell. Imagine never having to worry about being reaped, never needing to watch as literal kids are made to fight to the death, being free, and maybe even being together, like _together_ together!"

He looked at her with a mixture of hope, fear, and longing as he removed his arm from her shoulders and took her hands in his.

"Please Catnip, I want to run and..." he hesitated for a moment, "I love you."

Katniss was more than a little shocked at his confession, but anger and fear quickly replaced her surprise and she pushed him back.

"Are you _serious_?!" she hissed, "What about my family? What about yours?!"

"Catnip...I-"

"No," she cut him off, "You want me to run, to abandon my family, to leave them in this...this _horrible_ place?! And while what? While we roam around the woods with no plan? No food? No shelter?! I know you, you have no plan, no idea, other than running away and then making it up as you go! And what happens during the winter, huh? What if we can't find adequate shelter or the game is too scarce to feed ourselves or we run out of arrows because they get broken or lost? And don't even get me started on fire! We could be found so easily just from a plume of smoke, or don't you remember that hovercraft we saw snatching those two defenceless people a few years back? Are you stupid?!" she was shaking with emotion, tears in her eyes

Gale lowered his eyes to the ground in shame as Katniss reamed him out.

"I just want to take you away from here, keep you safe." he clenched his fists at his sides as he looked up to stare her right in the eye, "I can't keep standing by and watching you suffer!"

Katniss froze for a second before a wave of fury washed over her and she stepped forward and slapped Gale across the face.

"You selfish prick," she whispered, "I stay and suffer for Prim. If I'm not here for her then _who the hell is going to take care of her_?!"

With that she grabbed her hunting sack and turned to storm off, only to be stopped by Gale grabbing her arm in a vicelike grip to pull her back to him, crushing his mouth against hers in a desperate, bruising kiss. Katniss struggled to free herself from Gale's arms, but he wouldn't let go, so she did the first thing that came to mind: she jammed her knee into his groin, causing him to let her go with a hiss of pain, and she fled back to the fence, stashing her bow and shimmying under the gap while struggling not to cry.

# ********

# 

After dropping off most of her haul at the Hob for trade, and managing to get Prim some nice new ribbons in exchange for one of the squirrels, she made her way to the mayor's house to trade him her rabbit. He usually had something good to exchange like a few loaves of white bread or some nice trinkets that she could sell at the Hob for some extra cash. She knocked on the back door of the mayor's house and was quite surprised when his daughter, Madge, opened the door instead. Not expecting this, Katniss stuttered out a greeting.

"Oh, um, hi-hi Madge." she looked down awkwardly

"Hey Katniss, here to drop off more rabbit?" the mayor's daughter had a twinkle in her eye and a kind smile on her face

"You know about that?" Katniss' eyes widened in fear and surprise

Seeing the other girl's distress, Madge quickly placated her. "Well my father isn't very sneaky..." she admitted with another gentle smile

Speechless, Katniss handed over the rabbit and was surprised again when Madge handed her a small but heavy sack of coins, easily enough money to feed her family for a month.

"I know things are tough what with your father being...gone, so consider this a fair trade for making my father happy."

Katniss nodded and smiled at Madge, clasping her hand in thanks before leaving for her own home to prepare for the reaping.

"Thank you," she called over her shoulder as she left

Madge only nodded before retreating inside and closing the door behind her.

# ********

# 

"Katniss!" Prim cried out happily and engulfed her sister in a hug

"Hey there little duck," Katniss replied with a fond smiled as she returned the hug

Prim pouted for a second at the nickname before getting excited all over again at the sight of Katniss' hunting bag.

"What'd you bring back?" Prim was absolutely buzzing with excitement

"Oh, nothing...just a turkey and some new satin ribbons!" Katniss grinned as Prim started bouncing with glee at the prospect of getting new ribbons

Prim squealed in delight as Katniss reached into the sack and brought out a full rainbow of ribbons and handed them to her. Prim chose the bright blue one for herself to match her eyes and then immediately chased down Buttercup to tie her new red ribbon around the beast's furry neck. Once she was satisfied with Buttercup's new accessory, she grabbed a pretty purple ribbon and gave it to Katniss, who tried to decline, but Prim was having none of it.

"Once you're dressed for the reaping, we're gonna have Mom braid your hair and tie it back with the ribbon! That way if you get reaped, you already have a token from me," she said the last bit in a whisper, not wanting to jinx her sister

Katniss' eyes became misty at the sentiment behind her sister's actions.

"Thank you Prim, that'll be wonderful." 

Prim beamed and ran to give their mother the ribbon, telling her of the plan.

Katniss noticed that their mother seemed to have a little more life in her today, probably realizing that Prim needed her to be brave so she wouldn't be too scared at the reaping. She nodded at her mother, who responded with a weak smile, and Katniss made her way to the tub behind the curtain set up in the bedroom to wash. As had been done on past reaping days, before the accident in the mines, her mother came in to help her wash and dry her hair, which surprised Katniss, but the real surprise was the gasp that her mother had let out when her daughter had started to undress, revealing a nasty purple bruise in the shape of a large hand in Katniss' upper arm.

"What happened?" Mrs. Everdeen asked with genuine concern

"Uh," Katniss wasn't quite sure how to respond, so she lied, "I, uh, nearly tripped and fell down a hill this morning and, uh, Gale caught me, guess he grabbed me a little too hard..."

Her mother didn't quite believe her and gave her a knowing look, "Well you need to tell Gale to be a little less rough with you, I know you're not made of glass, but you're not made of steel either."

Katniss didn't respond to that, she just started washing, taking extra care to be gentle around the bruised flesh. Once done and dried off, she went to her and Prim's bed to see what clothes had been chosen for her to wear this year, only to be shocked by one of her mother's good dresses sitting there for her. It was a dainty powder-blue frock that fell to her mid-calf. It had cap sleeves and a modest neckline, and it was so soft. Katniss remembered this dress to be one of her mother's favourites and looked up at her in confusion.

"I was wearing this dress on the day that I had met your father which, coincidentally, was reaping day back when I was 16. It seemed to bring me some luck, so I figured why not pass on my lucky dress to my daughter? You've taken out so many tesserae rations, it'll be a miracle if your name isn't reaped, so you need all the luck you can get. Prim and I need you here, alive. Prim loves you so much, I couldn't bear to see her lose you, and I love you too Katniss." her eyes had grown moist and she'd begun to sniffle quietly

Katniss didn't know what to say, or really what to do so she tentatively put her arms around her mother, and was a bit surprised when her mother actually hugged her back, crying softly so Prim couldn't hear.

"Mom," Katniss whispered, voice close to breaking, "I promise that even if I get reaped, I'll fight tooth and nail to get back to you, to get back to Prim. I swear to you that I will never let anything bad happen to either of you, because you're my family, and we need to stick together now more than ever." 

She was remembering how Gale wanted to just abandon his family and run, and she couldn't have that happen to her family, or to Gale's, who she'd come to think of as cousins. There was no way that little Posy could survive without Gale, and since Vic and Rory were too young to even work in the mines, if Gale left, Katniss knew that there wouldn't be enough washing in the whole of District 12 that could keep Hazelle afloat with her kids, even with Katniss' help with hunting and gathering, eventually they'd either succumb to starvation or disease without Gale there. Even worse, she realized, the kids would need to take out as many tesserae rations as possible, increasing their odds of being reaped. Losing Gale would be hard enough, but if Hazelle had to lose more of her children to the Games, she wouldn't survive.

Shaking the morbid thoughts away, Katniss dressed and allowed her mother to braid her hair, finishing it off with Prim's beautiful new purple bow, and with that and a quick lunch, the Everdeen family went off to the Reaping Ceremony.

# ********

"Katniss, I'm scared," Prim whispered, tears in her eyes and her big sister's hand clutched in her own little one as they approached the identification booth to be "checked in" for the reaping

"Hush now, little duck," Katniss cooed soothingly, "It's just a little prick in your finger, and then you're done. I promise it won't hurt any more than getting a splinter."

"But splinters _hurt_!" Prim whined

"I know,"

The line moved along, bringing them closer to the front and Prim clutched harder at her sister's hand, until finally: "Everdeen, Katniss" the peacekeeper called, motioning for Katniss to hold out her hand

She complied and didn't even flinch as her finger was pricked and her blood ID'd.

"Thank you, move along now." and then, "Everdeen, Primrose"

Prim sent a scared glance at her sister before putting on a brave face for the peacekeeper and holding out her little hand. She gave a little yelp when her finger was pricked but otherwise took it quite well for her first time.

"Thank you, move along now." then another name was called, and another, and another, until all the eligible children had been ID'd

Once they were all inventoried and standing in their proper groups, the mayor came onstage to give his customary speech about the Games and the Capitol but Katniss wasn't listening, she'd heard this speech numerous times already and it was the same every year. One thing she was paying attention to, however, was Gale. He was looking at her like she'd once seen a mountain lion look at a wild turkey, as if she was going to be his dinner, and that really didn't sit well with her. When she met his eyes he scowled and looked away, as if annoyed that she'd dare to look at him after she'd rejected him that morning. Katniss shuddered and forced her eyes back up to the stage, where District 12's only living victor was being introduced by their Escort, Effie Trinket.

"...Haymitch Abernathy!" Effie announced in her silly Capitol accent, grinning

Haymitch had clearly been drinking, heavily. He stumbled up on to the stage and straightened, noticeably swaying as he drunkenly waved and blew kisses at the silent crowd. One little boy in the twelve-year-old section started crying. Haymitch ignored this and grabbed the microphone from Effie, nearly falling over as he used the mic stand to regain his balance, and started to speak.

"Well shit," he started and got a disapproving glare from Effie, "Look at all a yous, herded in these...these _corrals_ like cattle in District 10, ready to be sent off the slaughterhouse," he chuckled at that

" _Haymitch_!" Effie shrieked with a horrified expression on her face as she snatched the mic back, "That is _hardly_ appropriate!"

She berated him for a moment more before clearing her throat and regaining her composure. She shook her head, her hideous pink wig shifting slightly out of place as she did so, and made her way to the two glass balls containing the names of every child of reaping age in the District, and said her rehearsed line.

"It is now time to pick the Tributes for our 74th annual Hunger Games!" she had a huge smile on her face as if she wasn't about to sentence two children to death, "And now as always, ladies first!"

She reached into the bowl of girl's names and fished around for a moment, and Katniss prayed that Prim's name wouldn't come out.

 _Her name is only in there once,_ she thought, _there's no way that she'll be this year's female Tribute._

"Aha!" Effie pulled a slip from the bowl and held it aloft, "This year's female Tribute is..." she unfolded the paper, " _Primrose Everdeen_!"

To Katniss, it was like the whole world had stopped. She couldn't breathe, she was frozen in time. She saw Prim start to move, as if in slow motion, up towards the stage.

" _No..._ " her voice cracked, then strengthened, "NO!"

Prim whipped around to look at her in fear.

" _I VOLUNTEER!_ " she shouted, " _I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!_ " she couldn't let Prim do this, she'd _die_ in the Games

"Katniss _no!_ " Prim tried to run to her but was intercepted by two peacekeepers

"Well...a volunteer. Haven't had that happen here in a long time..." Effie tittered nervously, "Well, um, come on up young lady!"

Katniss squared her shoulders and made her way to the stage, ignoring her sister's cries as Prim struggled to break away from the peacekeepers holding her back. She held her head high and looked straight ahead as she stood by Effie's side.

"And what's your name dear?" Effie asked, not unkindly

"Katniss Everdeen."

"Oh, you must be little Primrose's big sister then!" Effie sighed dramatically and placed a hand over her heart, "How noble of you to take her place in the Games!"

Katniss stayed silent. Taking the hint, Effie quickly moved on to choosing who would be the male Tribute. She chose this slip much faster than the last and took a breath before announcing.

" _Peeta Mellark!_ "

The boy in question made his way to the stage, and Katniss noticed that there were silent tears running down his face, though he still managed to carry himself with the same calm demeanour that she'd had when she'd come onstage. He looked to her and nodded in greeting before turning to face the crowd. Though the crowd was mostly silent, save for a few relieved murmurings from those who'd been spared this year, Effie daintily cleared her throat to get everyone's attention and stepped up to the microphone once more.

" _Ladies and gentlemen of District 12, I give you this year's Tributes: Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark! Good luck to you both and may the odds be ever in your favour!_ " Effie chirped with a hopeful grin on her face

The crowd was dead silent. but then, one by one, each citizen put the three middle fingers of their left hand to their lips before raising towards the two teens up on the stage. It was an old gesture, most often used at funerals, one that meant thanks, it meant admiration, it meant good-bye to someone you love. Her mother did it first, then Prim, Madge, Gale, her acquaintances from the Hob, and before long everyone had done it, had said that final meaningful goodbye to them, because they knew that this was probably the last time they'd ever see these two in the flesh, and it struck Katniss in a way that sent pangs of a happy kind of sadness through her soul. The moment the last person put their arm up, Katniss and Peeta were whisked offstage to the place where they'd say their final goodbyes to their families, and at that point she finally let her tears fall.


	2. So This Is Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss says her goodbyes, and one in particular leaves quite the impression on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Hunger Games series or any of its characters, they belong to Suzanne Collins. I own only the characters that I've created and part of the plot of this story. There are some parts/lines/sentences of this story that are pulled directly from the books, but those parts also belong exclusively to Suzanne Collins.  
> TRIGGER WARNING: Chapter contains scenes of assault, both physical and sexual, as well as mentions of mental illness. Read at your own risk.  
>  _ **If this chapter/work is beginning to upset you, I advise that you please stop reading it immediately and talk to your support team. I am not responsible for your reaction or resulting behaviour in regards to any of the chapters or comments on this work.**_

Katniss flopped down onto the couch in her waiting room inside the Justice Building and finally let herself cry. Fortunately for her, the goodbyes were never televised. Crying families didn't seem to make for good TV, it seemed. She sobbed for a few moments before curling her hands into tight fists, her fingernails biting into her palms and leaving little red crescent-moon shapes in the sensitive flesh to ground herself. She sniffed and wiped the remaining tears away, it wouldn't bode well for Prim to see her cry, she needed to appear strong for her family.

She took a deep breath as she heard footsteps approaching her little room and looked up to see the door open before Prim was on her in a flash, hugging her tight and bawling like a baby. Katniss said nothing yet and held Prim as tight as she could, memorizing her scent, her voice, the feel of holding her little sister in her arms. She stroked Prim's hair as the sobs quieted to sniffles and hiccups, and when Prim finally looked up at her, Katniss took a moment to commit every last detail of her little sister's face to her memory.

"How could you have done that?" Prim was distraught, "You could _die_!" she all but wailed, clutching Katniss tighter

"I have a better chance of surviving than you would have had." she soothed

"You can't go! They need to pick someone else! We need you _here_!" Prim was nearly hysterical

"You know that's not how it works little duck..."

"It's not _fair_."

"I know,"

"You should have let me go." Prim's eyes hardened, and suddenly she looked so adult, so sure of herself, it gave Katniss chills

"No, I would never let you go through that. You need to stay and take care of Mom, you know how much she needs you." Katniss' tone was firm and left no room for arguments

"I still don't like it," Prim finally let go of her older sister

"I know Prim."

From where she was still standing near the door, Mrs. Everdeen cleared her throat and met Katniss' eyes with her own.

"Katniss, love, I know I haven't been the best mother these past few years, but I need you to know that I love you so much. I can't believe that my little girl is going to be forced into those barbaric Games!" Mrs. Everdeen had burning anger in her eyes as she spat out the last sentence

Katniss was shocked at this and stood up so she could make her way over to her mother. Mrs. Everdeen beat Katniss to it as she strode forward and hugged her eldest daughter for the first time in a long while, holding her like she would when Katniss was a small child, and Katniss relished the feeling of warmth and safety that enveloped her. She'd nearly forgotten how good it felt to be held by her mother, how much she loved her.

"Mom..." Katniss' voice cracked but she refused to start crying again, "I love you too."

Mrs. Everdeen smiled and stroked her daughter's cheek.

"Promise me one thing," Katniss said

"Anything."

"Take care of Prim, make sure you're here for her, even if I don't come back."

Her mother's expression went serious as she nodded and planted a kiss on her daughter's forehead.

"Of course."

"Alright ladies, time's up." a peacekeeper shouted from the other side of the door, "There are a few more guests here to say goodbye so your turn is up."

He ushered a sobbing Prim and sombre-faced Mrs. Everdeen out of the room and gave Katniss a few moments to gather herself before sending the next guest in.

"Katniss," she heard from the doorway, and smiled when she saw it was Madge

"I wasn't expecting you," Katniss said honestly, "please, come sit." she gestured to the spot next to her on the couch

Made came in and sat down, fiddling nervously with her hands in her lap before seeming to come to a decision. She reached up and unclasped the beautiful gold pin from the front of her dress and handed it over to Katniss.

"For you," Madge said, "a token."

"I don't know if I can accept this, Madge. It looks really expensive and it obviously means a lot to you if you were wearing it to the Reaping."

"It was my aunt's. I'm sure you've heard of her, Maysilee Donner. She was in the last Quarter Quell. The pin is a mockingjay, they were her favourite, and I know you used to sing at school. They loved to pick your songs up and sing them to each other. It just seems right that my aunt's favourite animals seem to love you so much, it's as if this was made for you."

Before Katniss could protest, Madge pinned the delicate gold mockingjay to Katniss' dress, right over her heart.

"Take good care of it for us," Madge smiled and left before Katniss could try to give it back.

Katniss studied the pin for a moment before the peacekeepers announced she had another guest. To Katniss' surprise, her next guest was the baker, Peeta's father. He came in with a small white bag and held his hand out to shake hers.

"Here," he simply said, "for you. I'll make sure to send a fresh loaf of bread to your family's house every morning until you come back, and if you don't, then it'll be for the rest of their lives." and he handed her the bag before heading back out

Inside the bag were a dozen beautiful chocolate-chip cookies. Katniss was astounded by his kindness, and could count on one hand the number of times she'd ever had cookies, and called out a soft "Thank you" as Mr. Mellark left, waving goodbye over his shoulder with a kind smile on his face.

Katniss nibbled on a cookie as she waited to see if she'd have any more guests, and half-expected that Mr. Mellark was the last one, but she still held out hope that Gale would come to see her off. Lucky for her, Gale was the next and final guest to come visit her. He walked in and sat next to her, a heavy aura of discontent surrounding him as he seemed to silently seethed. Finally, he looked up at her with a cold look on his face.

"Catnip," he greeted

"Gale," she was nervous, "I wasn't sure that you'd c-"

" _WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!_ " he roared, an ugly scowl taking over his face, "You know that what you did is basically a death sentence, right?! And you _know_ that all of this could have been avoided if you had just _come with me_! Honestly Catnip, if I'd known that you were this stupid, I'd never have helped you."

"What the hell Gale...?" Katniss was so confused, she didn't know where this outburst was coming from

"Don't you _what the hell?_ me Catnip! What the hell you! I love you and offer you an escape route and _this_ is how you repay me? By volunteering for the fucking _Hunger Games?!_ " he grabbed her by the back of her neck and started to shake her

"You stupid cunt!" he raised his other hand and slapped her across the face, "I was willing to give you _everything_ , and then _you_ go and reject _me_?! I don't think so Catnip. You don't get to reject me. Besides Prim, I'm the only person that really cares about you, and then you go and disrespect _me_?! You must be fucking crazy!" he moved his grip from her neck to her hair and wrenched her forward off the couch

"Gale, please, _stop_! Why are you doing this?!" Katniss started to cry in pain and fear

"You retarded cunt, I'm going to teach you a valuable lesson," he reached down to unbuckle his belt, maintaining his grip on her hair, and freed his rapidly hardening penis from the confines of his pants, "a lesson in respect."

He forced her head toward his crotch and she clamped her mouth shut, not knowing what else to do. Gale pulled harshly on her hair, making her yelp in pain, and jamming himself into her newly opened mouth. He forced himself deep into her throat and leaned down to growl into her ear.

"Bite me and it'll be the last thing you ever do," he threatened as he began to thrust, straightening back up with a sneer

Katniss struggled to breathe and began choking as Gale rammed himself against the back of her throat, a deranged glint in his eye. Tears were streaming down her face as she desperately pulled to get away from him. He looked down at her and laughed, quickening his pace and making no effort to hide his pleasured grunts and sighs. Feeling himself nearing his climax, he managed to give her one last command.

"Swallow it, whore," he said before exploding down her throat

Katniss gagged and did her best to comply, scared of what he might do if she didn't. Once he was done he pulled out of her mouth and tucked himself away back into his pants. Releasing his grip on her hair, Katniss flopped to the ground and sobbed, unable to properly process what'd just happened between her and her oldest friend. He smirked at her before striding out of the room, not looking back even when he heard her begin to vomit his seed back up onto the expensive carpet.

"Serves you right," he threw back over his shoulder as he closed the door

Katniss just pulled herself into a tight little ball, scooted herself into a corner, and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings once again from the land of the painkillers! I'm glad to say that I'm getting better and soon I'll just be waiting for my stitches to dissolve, and great googly moogly am I ready for these damn things to come out! One of my stitches is partially in my cheek, so I can't really open my mouth that wide to eat or drink, and since I'm not supposed to use straws as the sucking motion could fuck up my recovering gums, let's just say that meal times are an _event_. I can't wait to have a normally-functioning mouth again because I'm so fucking sick of soup and smoothies I swear to god I'll snap my own neck if I have to drink one more fucking meal.  
> Also, damn, this fic is getting real dark real quick. Just so y'all know, this fic _will_ have a happy ending, but for now, Katniss' world is going to be turned upside-down and sideways so prepare yourself for more similar scenes. If that's not your thing, please feel free to click away from this story, no judgement from me.  
> Anyway, I hope that y'all're having a good time and please remember that comments and kudos are always appreciated!  
>  _-Love Avery_
> 
> EDIT: 2019/02/03 @12:03AM  
> Hey guys I'm having a weird problem where chapter one's end-of-chapter note seems to like to hang out here instead of on chapter one like ????? idk what's happening I made sure that the note was written on the chapter one page in the editor but apparently it seems to prefer to hang out here instead. Probably just visiting its friend. Whatever, nbd, I ship it. EOCN1xEOCN2 is now my otp I guess XD Please let me know in the comments if you're seeing this issue too or if I'm the only one experiencing this yadda yadda cause I'm like super confused XD  
> Anyway, night y'all! Sweet dreams!
> 
> EDIT: 2019/02/26 @4:19PM  
> I've been MIA for a bit now and I'm sorry for that but I'm working super hard on the next chapter and want it to be really good for y'all. Also, I've created a FaceBook account under the name Avery Weston for all my lovely AO3 readers and friends that will include sneak peeks of future chapters, concept art, etc. Come check it out if you want, I've already posted a preview of chapter 3 up there so yeah :)


	3. Train Ride Troubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The train ride gets a little complicated. How will Katniss cope after what Gale's done to her? Is she strong enough to go on despite that awful event, or will she let it break her down?  
> IMPORTANT: There's an issue where my notes refuse to stay on their own chapter (please go back and read the eocn in chapter 2), so just in case it starts happening on the bocns, I'm going to be doubling down on my disclaimers and warnings by adding them to the chapter summaries as well as to the bocns.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Hunger Games series or any of its characters, they belong to Suzanne Collins. I own only the characters that I've created and part of the plot of this story. There are some parts of this story that are pulled directly from the books, but they also belong exclusively to Suzanne Collins  
> TRIGGER WARNING: Chapter contains self-harm. Read at your own risk  
>  _ **If this chapter/work is beginning to upset you, I advise that you please stop reading it immediately and talk to your support team. I am not responsible for your reaction or resulting behaviour in regards to any of the chapters or comments on this work.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: There's an issue where my notes refuse to stay on their own chapter (if it is where it's supposed to be, please go back and read the end-of-chapter note in chapter 2, and/or the beginning-of-chapter note on chapter 1), so just in case it starts happening on the bocns, I'm going to be doubling down on my disclaimers and warnings by adding them to the chapter summaries as well as to the bocns.
> 
> Hey guys, gals, and non-binary pals!  
> So, I'm going to start taking WAY more time working on my chapters because looking back my last two were rushed and kind of crappy, and I want this story to be the best that it can be. I've had a few comments from friends and one from a reader regarding *ahem* _Gale's scene_ in the last chapter and I just wanted to address this to help ease some confusion regarding the situation.  
> EDIT  
> As AO3 user hgfan said in their comment: _"Canon Gale is a monster and a war criminal. I would believe him as an abusive boyfriend. That said, I do have some issue with the venue. He's sexually assaulting Katniss in a police station. You don't think there would be cameras on her?"_ to which I replied: _"I had been thinking about that at length before posting that scene and part of the explanation would be a spoiler, but the other part is: District Twelve is so poor and since the room was in the middle of the building (one door, no windows) and guarded by peacekeepers, there was no need for cameras. I also like to think that visitors are all screened and get pat-downs like going to the airport to avoid them bringing weapons to the Tribute, and once they’re cleared they’re pretty much ignored. The rest of this will be explained when Gale and Peeta finally meet, alongside a few other plotholes."_  
>  Also, according to the books, the peacekeepers in District 12 are pretty corrupt, I mean there's one that eagerly allows women to whore themselves out to him in exchange for small amounts of money, and they all know that Katniss and Gale regularly leave the District boundaries and poach on what we're told is technically Capitol land, so I doubt that it would be difficult to convince them to turn a blind eye to what was going on in that room for about fifteen or twenty minutes. I'm sure that there have been instances in the past where a Tribute has asked for a little extra privacy to say a _special_ goodbye to their S/O.  
> That being said, I'm very glad that hgfan said what they said as I realize now that I haven't yet properly established my universe in the story. Where I live, there are areas that the cops will actively avoid unless there's an actual emergency call, and I know that there are corrupt officers all over the globe. I also know that doing a favour for the right person can lead to some very good things (for one person, at least), and I also know how far an abusive partner can be willing to go to ensure that their victim remains submissive and powerless. I'm implementing all these things to the _n_ 'th degree in this story. The world that Katniss lives in only cares about money and status. If you've got enough of either, then you can pretty much get away with anything, which while that may seem absurd, is actually a reality in some places.  
> Like I said earlier, this issue will be fully addressed in a further chapter, and if y'all're interested, I'm going to be creating a FaceBook account under my favourite pseud name, Avery Kittrell, where I'll be posting progress updates, fanart, my art, and sneak peeks of upcoming chapters and stories. It'll be up by the end of February, and it'll have a sneak peek of Chapter 4, raw and unedited.  
> Anyway, I hope that this cleared up some of the confusion and that everyone is having a great day! Now, **on to the chaptah!!!**
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Hunger Games series or any of its characters, they belong to Suzanne Collins. I own only the characters that I've created and part of the plot of this story. There are some parts of this story that are pulled directly from the books, but they also belong exclusively to Suzanne Collins.  
> TRIGGER WARNING: Chapter contains self-harm. Read at your own risk.  
>  _ **If this chapter/work is beginning to upset you, I advise that you please stop reading it immediately and talk to your support team. I am not responsible for your reaction or resulting behaviour in regards to any of the chapters or comments on this work.**_

It was Effie who'd found her like that a few minutes later, pressed into a corner with tears still quietly flowing down her face and a dried stain on the front of her dress caused by a mixture of semen and bile. Effie gasped when she also noticed the angry red handprint imprinted on the girl's left cheek which must have stung something fierce. She gently lowered herself to kneel in front of the seemingly broken Tribute and mentally cursed the peacekeepers guarding her room for their stupidity and inability to do even the one simple task of keeping her safe.

"Um..." Effie didn't know how to start, she'd never had to directly deal with a situation like this, but she'd heard from others who had so she tried to recall what they'd told her to do if it ever happened with her, "Hello Miss E-um, Katniss. Can you tell me what happened here?" she kept her voice quiet and neutral as she quickly assessed the state of her Tribute

Katniss was rocking ever so slightly and staring off into the distance, looking but not seeing. Katniss's mouth was clamped shut hard and Effie could see and hear her grinding her teeth through the closed lips. Effie also noticed that her Tribute was repetitively running her thumbnail down the side of her wrist, causing the skin there to become red and raw as it began to slowly ooze a small amount of clear fluid which quickly tinged pink with blood. Effie felt that her first move should be to stop the girl from injuring herself further, so she started slowly and clearly moving her hands towards Katniss'.

"Katniss," Effie continued in the same tone as before, "I'm going to take your hands in mine to stop you from hurting yourself. I'm not going to hold tight, and you will still be able to take your hands away, but I'm also not going to let you keep hurting yourself. You need to stay in top form if you want to survive the Games." she carefully took the girl's hands into her own and she noticed Katniss' eyes focus on her face

"Is he gone?" she croaked out, too afraid to look anywhere else but Effie's eyes

"Who? Your last visitor?"

"Yes."

"He's gone," Effie gently squeezed Katniss' right hand started to help the teen to her feet, "Did he hurt you?" she already knew the answer

"He was just a little...upset. It wasn't his fault," Katniss trembled slightly, and took deep breaths to calm down, "the fault was all mine, I was being disrespectful."

Effie was aghast, how could this girl think that it was her fault? She immediately hated whoever had done this and she knew that if she ever got her hands on him, she'd submit him to a much worse fate than the Games. Katniss had seemed so strong before she'd said her goodbyes and Effie had been hopeful that this Tribute might actually make it through the Games and come home, but now she wasn't so sure. Instead of voicing her concerns, she decided to gently probe the girl for information regarding the incident.

"Has he ever acted like that before?"

"Not really, he gets annoyed sometimes, but it's because I'm younger and don't know as much about the world yet. He's smarter than me in that aspect I guess." Katniss' strength was slowly returning as she began to compartmentalize what'd happened, she'd obviously pushed Gale too far and he'd reacted accordingly, she'd get past this in the same way she got past losing her father

"Did he make you do something that you didn't want to do?"

"..."

Katniss' silence spoke volumes as her eyes glazed over again and she shook her head 'no'. Effie was pretty sure she knew what'd happened but didn't know how to outright address it without further traumatizing her Tribute.

"If you ever want to talk about it, I'll be there to listen." 

"Thank you, but I'm sure everything's fine; as I said, it was my fault." Katniss knew that she owed Gale her life, and this wasn't the first time he'd gone off at her, but it was definitely the most extreme and she wasn't sure why this time was so bad

"If you say so..." Effie was reluctant to let the subject drop, but Katniss seemed determined to ignore the incident and move past it, so Effie let it go for now

At that moment the peacekeepers stationed outside her door came in to usher Effie and Katniss to the train. Effie was surprised how quickly Katniss' demeanour changed, it was like a mask slipping into place. Except for the slight redness to her eyes and the stain on her dress, you'd never know that anything had happened. Katniss had a slight air of unease about her, but otherwise, she was outwardly calm and collected, like nothing had happened. Katniss had obviously perfected this mask as a defence against the life she'd had to live up until now.

The peacekeepers moved to flank Katniss, and Effie saw her flinch, so she waved them off and instead locked arms with the girl, getting a small smile in thanks, and lead her to the train with the peacekeepers trailing a few steps behind to make sure that Katniss didn't try to run off. As they made their way through the halls of the Justice Building, they soon met up with Peeta and his little entourage of guards, and Haymitch, who was chatting drunkenly at Peeta while the former looked slightly nauseated, probably from the smell of their Mentor's unwashed body and alcohol-infused breath. When Peeta saw Katniss, a look of curiosity flitted across his face for just a moment as he noticed the state of her dress, before sending her a reassuring smile of his own, thinking she'd been sick from the fear and anticipation that was to come, and then went back to ignoring Haymitch's endless nattering about something or other as they walked.

They exited through the back of Justice Building and nearly stopped in their tracks at the sight of the enormous train in front of them. It was the first time that either of the Tributes had ever seen a train in person. Sure they'd seen photos in school textbooks but it never could have prepared them for the real thing. Their little group stopped for a moment to let the teens admire the train before it's door opened and the peacekeepers ushered them on and stepped away, back into the Justice Building. The first thing that greeted the group was a gentle gust of cool air that made Katniss gasp as she looked around for the source of the blissful reprieve from the outside heat. Seeing this, Haymitch barked out a laugh and took it upon himself to explain.

"It's called 'air conditioning', girl."

"What?" Katniss asked and turned to Effie for a better explanation

"The train contains a system of fans and cooling systems that circulate and refrigerate the air to keep it at a certain temperature, hot air gets sucked in, cooled, and pumped back out by vents all along the walls. If we didn't have it, it'd be hotter in here than it is outside, since the train has a metal shell and metal can get blisteringly hot in the sun. It's a very common thing in the Capitol and in the nicer buildings in the Districts. They had it in the Justice Building too, but only in certain rooms." Effie was used to this question being asked by Tributes from the poorer Districts, as air conditioning was quite expensive and was considered a luxury even in the rich Districts, with it being found only in the Victor's Villages and certain high-end shops outside the Capitol

"So it's like a furnace, but in reverse?" Katniss clarified

"If that makes it easier for you to understand, then yes."

"Oh."

Effie smiled and led the Tributes on a small tour of the train while Haymitch headed straight for the fully-stocked bar in the dining car. They started at the front of the train. Effie pushed a button on a wall panel and a door slid open to reveal a room filled with screens, digital maps, and blinking buttons.

"Through here we have the automatic driving system, which is usually off-limits so please refrain from entering after the tour. It's really quite complex and was created by a couple of District 3 Victors working with another from District 6. Before that, the trains were operated by specially-trained drivers, called Conductors, but the new system is much more reliable and efficient. Of course, there is a manual override function in case of an emergency or defect with the autopilot, but so far it's never needed to be used. We do have a fully-trained conductor on board just in case though." she spoke quickly and led them back out through the rest of that train car

"This car also contains the sleeping quarters for the train's staff. The conductor, chef, and other staff all have their rooms up here, so we ask that you avoid this carriage as the staff like to enjoy their off-time in peace and quiet." 

She led them through to the next car, which contained the kitchen and dining area.

"This carriage is the Dining Car. This is where we'll have our meals and discuss your strategies for the Games during our ride to the Capitol. Breakfast is served at 8 sharp, lunch at noon, and dinner at 6. Between meals, you can find all sorts of snacks and refreshments here, or you can always call the kitchen from your rooms to have something brought there whenever you please. Haymitch tends to stay in here when he's awake and likes to sit by the bar. I recommend you avoid him for the first hour or so after he gets up in the morning. He can be quite moody before he's had something to drink."

"Ah shaddap Effie!" Haymitch called from next to the bar, inspecting the bottles before choosing one and flopping down into the nearest chair to start guzzling it down

Effie ignored him and continued her tour, bringing the teens to the next and longest train car yet.

"This," she said with a sweeping motion of her arm, "is the carriage that has all of our rooms."

She pointed to one of the six identical doors in the carriage, the one on the near right.

"That one's mine, the one across the hall belongs to Haymitch. Katniss," she then gestured to the door on the far right, "there's yours, and Peeta, you're across the hall from her. Fortunately, the bedrooms are on the far ends of the rooms, so you hopefully won't have to listen to Haymitch's drunken shenanigans while you're trying to fall asleep." she finished with a grin and a conspiratorial wink in Peeta's direction

"In the next carriage is the solarium, and beyond that, there are the engine rooms and a few other maintenance rooms like fuel and whatnot. Nothing too important to us, but everything past the solarium is off-limits. Now, I expect you'd like to get changed and explore your rooms for the trip so I'll leave you two to settle in and I'll be back to collect you both for dinner a little before six, so keep an eye on the time." and with that, Effie left the two Tributes to do as they pleased and headed into her own rooms to relax before dinner

Katniss and Peeta stood awkwardly outside their respective doors for a moment before Peeta finally broke the slightly uncomfortable silence.

"Peeta Mellark," he introduced himself and stuck out a hand, "it's nice to actually meet you, though the circumstances really fucking suck." he chuckled a bit at that and Katniss shook his hand

"Katniss Everdeen, nice to meet you too." she wasn't thrilled at the physical contact, but Peeta so far didn't seem to be a threat and was making an effort to be nice

"So you grew up in the Seam?" he asked politely

"Yeah. Not the greatest place but it's home. You grew up in the bakery right?" she said before a realization dawned on her, "Hold on a second, you're the boy who gave me the bread a few years ago, back when we were eleven?"

"Good memory," he smiled before continuing, "yeah that was me. My mother was pissed that I'd ruined two of the good loaves, I got a good tongue lashing for that stunt, but you looked so hungry and we were classmates at the time, I figured it was worth it."

"It was, you saved my life." Katniss was solemn as she said this, "Saved my family too."

"I'm glad. You look a lot better now, save for that bruise, and I hope your family is doing better too." he seemed sincere, and that unnerved Katniss as they'd soon be pitted against each other in the Arena

"Why are you being so nice?" she asked, putting her hand over her cheek to hide the now throbbing bruise

"Why shouldn't I be? We're two people shoved into a shitty situation. I know we're supposed to fight each other, but until then, I have nothing against you. Hopefully, we either have an alliance in the Games, or we never encounter each other again after the Bloodbath. I really don't want to have to fight or kill anyone, but I will if it's self-defence. And besides, you've never done anything wrong to me, so why shouldn't I try to be nice?" there was that smile again, it made her feel a little warm and fuzzy inside, made her want to trust him

"It's just a little weird is all." she steeled herself against the niggling feeling, she had no reason to trust him, this could all be a ploy to get to her so he could just turn on her in the Games

Peeta held his hands up in mock surrender and let out another little laugh.

"Alright, I'll back off if you want me to, but feel free to come by for a chat whenever you feel like it." with that he headed into his rooms

Katniss stood there for a moment before she retreated to her own rooms and went straight to her bed, flopping down with a heavy sigh, feeling empty and confused. She was thinking about what Gale had done, but her thinking kept getting interrupted by flashes of Peeta's smile. _He did have a very nice smile,_ she finally conceded before forcing her thoughts back to Gale. He'd hit her, he'd yelled at her, he'd...he'd _forced_ himself on her, and it filled her with a cold, empty feeling, like when the last coal embers died out in her stove during the winter. It seeped into her bones and left her chilled, and the feeling wasn't helped by the fact that the "air conditioning" in her room was blowing directly down onto her bed. Sitting up, she checked the time, it was only 3:37, and decided that she wanted to wash all traces of Gale from her body.

She shucked off her dress and almost forgot about Madge's mockingjay pin in her haste to get rid of the memory of Gale's touch, but a flash of gold caught her eye as she tossed the offending article of clothing onto her bed. She unpinned it from her dress and examined it closely as she made her way toward what she had assumed to be her washroom. It was a beautiful piece of jewellery, a solid gold mockingjay, held to a delicate gold circle by the tips of its outstretched wings and holding an arrow in its beak. It would be worth a small fortune to a Seam kid, probably fetching enough money to feed a small family for a month at the very least. Katniss was distracted from her appraisal of the craftsmanship by the realisation that it had a long, sharp pin on the back, and she tentatively pricked her finger on the end. The literal pinpoint of pain drew a gasp from Katniss, relieved that she could at least still feel _something_ other than cold. Experimentally, she drew the pin across her left wrist, hissing as she managed to scrape a small divot into the sensitive flesh and watching as little spots of blood began to appear. She decided that it was nice to be able to feel the pain, it let her know that she was still alive, and she soon found herself standing in the washroom with her wrist over the sink, repeatedly drawing the pin across her wrist, watching as the small wells of blood combined to start dripping down her arm.

Katniss watched numbly as her blood began to drip into the sink, the white porcelain contrasting harshly with the red of her blood. She began to come back to herself and was soon shocked to realize that she'd just torn the shit out of her forearm with the back of a fucking pin. She grimaced at the blood in the sink before turning the water on and watching it swirl away down the drain. Katniss looked around for a towel, but seeing only white ones, she decided to instead use toilet paper to mop up her arm. She rinsed her arm as gently as she could, the water stinging when it made contact with the cuts, and dabbed it dry with the toilet paper until the wounds were only leeching clear fluid and started to scab over. Katniss flushed the bloodied paper down the toilet and entered the shower, turning the hot water on full-blast and letting the scalding water beat some of the coldness out of her bones, she let herself sink to the floor. As the hot water brought some relief, she began to feel a little more like herself, a little more human, and she made sure to scrub every last inch of her body until her skin was red and raw. She didn't want a single trace of Gale to be left on her, and she stayed there scrubbing herself until the water began to cool.

Feeling the change in temperature, Katniss shut the water off and took one of the towels to wrap around her body, pleased to find it warm thanks to the heated towel rack, and returned to her bedroom to dress. Some time during their tour, the train had begun moving, and Katniss watched as the scenery flew by outside of her room's windows. She turned toward her bed and saw that the blue dress was still sitting there, and the very sight of it was enough to make her nauseous. Barely even thinking, she grabbed the dress and opened the window just enough to shove the offending item of clothing outside. "Sorry Mom," she said as she watched the dress flutter away in the wind, "but I doubt you'd want it back anyway, that stain never would've come out." She looked around and quickly located a dresser. Opening it, she found a wide range of clothing, each item available in what seemed to be every size under the sun, obviously stocked to accommodate a female Tribute of any age, shape, and size. After trying on a few different shirts and pairs of pants, she tossed everything that she knew wouldn't fit her into a pile by the door, making a mental note to ask one of the staff members to come and collect the rejects. She dressed in a muted green long-sleeved shirt and a pair of fitted yet comfortable brown pants, fastening the pin over her heart, and checked the time. It was now 5:03, she'd been in the shower for nearly an hour and a half, and she still had time to kill before dinner, so she decided to lie in bed and rest her eyes until Effie came to collect her. She lay down on top of the covers, snuggled into the pillow she'd chosen from the pile at the headboard, and allowed her eyes to drift closed as she rested, emotionally exhausted from her day. 

# ********

# 

Effie heard her little alarm go off, a soft chime of a bell, and put down her notepad, turning off the tv screen set into the wall of her room. She'd been watching and rewatching the Reapings of the other eleven Districts, taking notes on the other Tributes. She was trying to give Katniss and Peeta the best fighting chance in the Games and had already managed to get a few good pages of notes. With a sigh, she left her room and started off down the hall to collect her Tributes, starting with Peeta. She knocked on his door and waited a moment for him to appear. When he opened the door he greeted her with a polite smile.

"Time for dinner?" he asked

"Yes," she returned his smile, "I just need to get Katniss. You can go on up ahead of us if you'd like."

"I don't mind waiting."

"That's very kind of you," Effie said before crossing the hall and knocking on Katniss' door

Katniss didn't reply, but Effie thought she could hear someone talking on the inside, so she knocked again. Still no reply. Worried about Katniss in her current mental state, Effie started to panic a bit. She fumbled for the button on the wall and managed to get the door open before rushing in and feeling her stomach drop. Katniss was on her bed, asleep, but seemed to be having a nightmare. She was tossing and turning, mumbling incoherently, and her sleeves had managed to shimmy up her arms as she slept, revealing a patchwork of crisscrossing scabs over her left wrist with a couple looking like they'd been torn open during her nightmare as Effie could see a few small smears of quickly-drying blood. Effie made the quick decision to wake Katniss and began calling her name as calmly as possible. She'd dealt with Haymitch's nightmares before, and thanked the stars that unlike Haymitch, Katniss surely didn't sleep with a large knife under her pillow. Still, Effie wasn't to keen on getting caught by one of the teen's faliling limbs and kept a safe amount of space between them.

"Katniss...Katniss, Katniss!" Effie's voice became more sing-song as she repeated her Tribute's name

"Mmph...no...ugh...Gale, stop...no..." Katniss' movements became more erratic and she came dangerously close to rolling off her bed and on to the floor

Peeta was curious as he could hear what was happening in his fellow Tribute's room, but instead of prying, he took a few steps up the hall to wait by the door to one of the unused middle sets of rooms and kept his ears open while thinking back on what he'd seen earlier in the day regarding Katniss.

"Katniss, it's time for dinner." Effie caught Katniss mid-roll and managed to keep her on the bed

"Time to get up and eat!" Effie shook Katniss' shoulder, causing the teen to snap awake and gaze up at Effie in fear for a moment before recognition bloomed on her face

"Uh, hi." Katniss croaked, shaken from her nightmare

"Hello," Effie had calmed a great deal, "It's time for dinner." she noticed that Katniss's shirt had thumb holes so she gently reached over and looped them over the teen's thumbs to keep the sleeves from riding up again

"It can get a little chilly in here what with the AC on, these will keep your sleeves from rising, keeping you at a more comfortable temperature." Effie smiled as she explained her actions

Katniss started at that, realizing that Effie had seen the state of her arm, but when Effie didn't say anything else about it, Katniss relaxed.

"Thank you," she mumbled, looking at the floor

"No need for thanks, now come. It's dinner time, and if we're not there on time then Haymitch might steal our food." Effie giggled at her own joke as Katniss got up and they left the room

They met up with Peeta in the hall and made their way to the dining car. Peeta subtly examined Katniss as they went, noticing a few pinpricks of blood on her sleeve, as well as the way that she tended to stay close to Effie and kept their Escort between them, almost like a barrier. When they entered the dining car, Haymitch hurled an "About damn _time!_ " over his shoulder at them from the bar and Peeta saw Katniss flinch at Haymitch's tone. Peeta also noticed that her left hand came up to play nervously with her mockingjay pin, or more importantly, with the sharp pin on the back of it. He saw her run the pad of her thumb over the tip, and nearly missed seeing her push just enough that it broke the skin. When it did, Katniss let out a quiet sigh of what sounded like relief. Peeta looked away at this point, slightly puzzled. She seemed to have _enjoyed_ the pain, but he didn't understand how any amount of pain or discomfort could be considered even remotely enjoyable. Katniss was a few things to Peeta: interesting, confusing, and quite pretty. This wasn't the first time that he'd noticed her, he'd spent most of his life noticing her, casually observing her from a distance because they never really had anything in common, and because nearly everywhere she went she'd have Gale with her, and there was something about Gale that just rubbed Peeta the wrong way.

"Hush now Haymitch!" Effie's comment broke Peeta out of his reverie and he shook his head, "Dinner would have appeared on the table regardless if we were on time or not. It's a _scheduled meal_!"

Peeta huffed in enjoyment as he listened to their Escort verbally berate their Mentor, and was surprised to hear a muffled giggle fall from Katniss' lips as she clamped her hand over her mouth to hide her mirth. Her eyes lit up with joy and he immediately decided that look suited her and he'd do anything to keep that expression on her face for as long as he lived. It made her look younger, more like the carefree sixteen-year-old she was meant to be, and the sight made his lips twitch up into a faint smile.

"Young Mr Mellark," Effie gestured to him once she'd finished, waving him to the seat next to Haymitch, "Come sit down. Miss Everdeen, you'll be dining next to me. We have many things to discuss." she smiled and tried her best to seem optimistic as she elegantly lowered herself into her chair

The teens moved to take their seats, and as they sat they heard a clock strike six, which triggered a flurry of movement in the carriage as a pair of servers emerged laden down with platters and tureens of food which they set expertly on the table. The two servers pulled the coverings off of the dinner and Katniss' eyes widened as she took in the veritable feast set in front of her. A quick glance at Peeta showed a similar reaction, neither teen really being able to believe the sheer volume of food that was theirs for the taking. The Tributes hesitated and Haymitch noticed with a wry chuckle.

"Never seen food b'fore?" he slurred before he slapped his knee and howled with drunken laughter

Effie sniffed in annoyance and pinned him with a venomous glare as she crossed her ankles and daintily spread her napkin across her lap, "It wasn't funny the last twenty years you've said it, and it's still unfunny now."

"Ya got no sense of humour Eff." Haymitch said and waved her off

Following Effie's example, Katniss and Peeta ignored Haymitch and placed their own napkins on their laps before they started to spoon food onto their waiting plates. There was what looked like tiny roasted chickens (which Effie later told them were actually a smaller type of bird called a "pigeon"), flaky rolls of buttery bread that were warm and soft on the inside, so unlike the grey rough loaves the Everdeen family made with Katniss' Tesserae rations, a mountain of fluffy mashed sweet potatoes, along with salads dotted with gorgeous edible flowers, a strange-looking bright-red-shelled animal with huge claws and a bunch of little legs that was soaked in garlic butter and surrounded by lemon wedges, small medallions of beef that melted like butter in your mouth and a creamy white mushroom soup that made Katniss shudder in revulsion at the mere thought of tasting, causes flashes of unpleasant memories from earlier to surface before she thoroughly tamped them down. Katniss chose to try a little of everything on the table, save for the soup, and Peeta followed suit. When both Tributes started eating, Effie smiled with satisfaction.

"I'm so glad you two have proper table manners! Many of our past tributes ate like absolute savages! Using their hands instead of their cutlery, it was so unappetizing to watch." Effie frowned at the thought but quickly smiled again as she returned to her own meal

"My mother used to live with her parents in the District's apothecary before she married my father, so she made sure that my sister and I learned proper manners as early as possible," Katniss admitted shyly

"My mother would give me a good pinch if I was ever slouching or chewing with my mouth open, and after that one time when I was seven," Peeta chuckled and shook his head, "let's just say I never said another bad word in front of her ever again."

"My mother would just give me a kick and a glare." Haymitch put in with a drunken grin, "That woman was a right old hag, but damn if she didn't love me almost as much as I love a stiff drink..." He trailed off with a distant look in his eye before taking a deep swig from the bottle that he'd yet to put down

An awkward silence followed, broken only by the clinking of cutlery on plates and the occasional request of passing something down the table. When their main meal had been finished and the servers started bringing out the dessert was when Effie decided it was time to talk strategy for the Games. She delicately cleared her throat and the others at the table looked at her.

"Well then, I hope you both enjoyed your dinner?"

The teens nodded as their dessert was placed before them.

"Thank you," Katniss said to the girl that had served her, hearing Peeta thanking her as well before they started eating the rich dark chocolate mousse that was topped with fresh raspberries and a sprig of spearmint

"Children," Effie started, "After dessert, we're going to be watching the recap of the reaping. This will give you a chance to see your competition. Afterwards, we're going to decide what skills you have and what skills you'll need to learn to survive the Games, and then-"

Effie was promptly interrupted by Haymitch projectile vomiting onto the expensive carpet as he was getting out of his chair and tripping, falling face-first into the mess. Effie raised an unimpressed eyebrow before rising and leaving the room herself.

"I'll go find someone to deal with him." She sighed over her shoulder

"No need, we'll handle him." Peeta offered with a charming smile

"If you insist..." Effie was looking a little green herself and took off at a brisk pace toward her room

For a few moments, Peeta and Katniss took in the scene of their mentor trying to rise out of the slippery vile stuff from his stomach. The reek of vomit and raw spirits almost brought her dinner up. As if by some unspoken agreement, they each took one of Haymitch’s arms and helped him to his feet.

“I tripped?” Haymitch asked, “Smells bad.” He wiped his hand on his nose, smearing his face with vomit

“Let’s get you back to your room,” said Peeta, “Clean you up a bit.”

The two teens half-lead half-carried Haymitch back to his compartment. Since they couldn't exactly set him down on the embroidered bedspread, they hauled him into the bathtub and turned the shower on. He hardly noticed.

“It’s okay,” Peeta said to her, “I’ll take it from here.”

Katniss couldn’t help feeling a little grateful since the last thing she wanted to do was strip down Haymitch, wash the vomit out of his chest hair, and tuck him into bed. Possibly Peeta was trying to make a good impression on him, to be his favourite once the Games begin. But judging by the state he was in, Haymitch would have no memory of this tomorrow.

“All right,” she said, “I can send one of the Capitol people to help you if you want.”

“No. I don’t want them,” says Peeta.

She nodded and headed to her own room. She understood how Peeta felt. She couldn’t stand the sight of the Capitol people herself. But making them deal with Haymitch might be a small form of revenge. She was pondering the reason why he insisted on taking care of Haymitch when the realization hit her: _'It’s because he’s being kind. Just as he was kind to give me the bread.'_

When she had made it to her room she closed the door behind her and checked the time. 8:45. She didn't think Effie would bother them about the recap tonight because Haymitch was too drunk to function so she went to sit on the bed to think. Peeta was being nice to her and it irked her a bit because it was dangerous. Kind people had a way of working their way inside her and rooting there, like Gale in the beginning, after the explosion. Part of herself tried to rationalize it.

_'He's never been unkind to me. Despite us not really knowing each other, he never teased me or said anything unpleasant. That boy doesn't have a mean bone in his body...'_

She knew how he was at school. He would help others every chance he got and couldn't stand bullying. If you looked up "nice" in the dictionary, you'd probably find a picture of him. The thought made her smile for a moment before an annoyed scowl took its place. She couldn't afford any weaknesses in the Games! If Peeta managed to worm his way into her heart with all his damn _niceness_ then he could become a weak point for her and therefore could be used against her. She flopped back onto her bed and growled in frustration. She bitterly wished that someone other than her baby sister had been reaped, then she wouldn't have volunteered, wouldn't be stuck here like a lamb off to the slaughterhouse. Had someone else been reaped, Katniss would be at home with her family right now, eating cheese from Prim's goat and would have gone back out to catch them some fresh meat for stew with the greens and roots she'd collected that morning. They'd be quietly celebrating and giving thanks to the Powers-That-Be for sparing herself and her sister but instead, she was here and it sent a great lance of sadness and longing straight through her heart. She knew that she'd most likely never see Prim or her mother ever again, but on the flip side there was one silver lining: if she died in the Games, she'd never have to see Gale ever again.

Gale. That was another point for her to ponder. He'd snapped. When he'd come to see her, his eyes had been hard and unyielding as he held her in place and violated her. She shuddered and hated how weak he'd made her feel, how weak she actually was. She hadn't been able to fight him off, and that didn't bode well for her if she found herself in a similar situation during the Games. Her scowl deepened as she remembered how she'd felt in that moment: helpless, weak, and absolutely terrified. He was supposed to be her friend; more than that, he was her family! They were as good as cousins! Her sadness morphed roughly into white-hot anger at her oldest friend. _Gale could fuck off_. She wasn't weak, he was just a monster and she wouldn't let him hurt her anymore. She shoved the memory of what he'd done to her to the back of her mind, shoving it into a box and locking it away. She was strong, she would fight, and she would win. She'd win for Prim and then she'd go back and kill Gale for what he'd done to her. 

A smile bloomed on her face as she changed into pyjamas and snuggled down under the covers of her luscious bed. She started to drift off to sleep, fantasizing about her revenge when a knock sounded at her door.

 

_~~~To Be Continued~~~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2019/07/29 @3:24AM  
> HELLO THE FUCK YOU GUYS I AM ALIVE THE STORY IS NOT ON HIATUS AND IT HAS NOT BEEN ABANDONED I HAVE JUST BEEN BRICK-SHITTINGLY BUSY AND NOW I AM FINALLY ON SUMMER VACATION SO I CAN GET THIS TO YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AHHHHHH I LOVE YOU (quick sidenote: i'm blazed out of my fucking mind right now so please forgive any spelling errors and various stupidity)  
> SO first off! I am really back yes indeedy folks hi how are ya and welcome _back_ to my _channel!_ I know I have been gone and absent for _many_ moons now and I am here to say I'm sorry don't hurt me your fanfic monkey has returned hahaha. Second: This new chapter was hard fucking work. I was so distracted while making this and kept getting sidetracked or running out of free time and it just took absolutely forever to get this done. Third: Honestly just in case you didn't see the AN on the last chapter I need to state and explain my version of the HG universe because I haven't made the differences very obvious. I will include a small list of sames(C for Cannon), similarities(Canon Adjacent) and differences(AU for AU) between my world and the cannon universe.  
> #1  
> -Katniss' dad died alongside Gale's dad in the mine explosion. **C**  
>  #2  
> -Peeta, Gale, and Katniss' childhood relationships are pretty much the same except for a slightly more possessive tone in Gale towards Katniss with that being the main deterrent keeping Peeta from Katniss. Same turnout in the beginning but for a slightly different reason. **CA**  
>  #3  
> -Gale is fucking crazy. He reminds me a bit of an ex of mine and damn do I love to write that ex into characters and then bash the shit out of them (other favourites for bashing are Ron Weasley, Cederic Diggory, Dumbledore. I don't hate the characters, they just have the easiest flaws to exploit and ruin them with) so yeah. I don't totally _hate_ Gale, but I don't like him much either **AU**  
>  #4  
> -Prim is still reaped for the Hunger Games **C**  
>  #5  
> -Mrs Everdeen miraculously cures her extreme emotional constipation and is nearly instantly revived into a perfect loving mother, it just happens much earlier in the storyline and as such gets more development. **CA**  
>  #6  
> -Katniss is also extremely emotionally constipated **C**  
>  #7  
> -Katniss doesn't know how to deal with anything sometimes so she internalizes it **CA**  
>  #8  
> -Peeta is a little bit bolder and curious toward Katniss and is just a little more insightful. I'm going with the _horribly abusive mother and caring but trapped father that doesn't know how to help his sons escape_ angle so yeah enjoy that **CA**  
>  #9  
> _Effie isn't as much of an air-headed child as in canon. She actually has some fucking people skills because she was a TRAINED. ESCORT. THIS IS HER JOB, TO COMFORT KIDS ON THEIR WAY TO THEIR DEATH AND MAKE THEM LOOK GOOD DOING IT. **AU**  
>  ANYWAY that is all for now i love you all and I hoped you liked this new chapter and i will try to get another one out to you soon without taking a horrendously long time <3 *kisses*
> 
> -Love, Avery
> 
> EDIT 2019/07/29 @7:43PM  
> I am very sorry for this morning/last night's shenanigans I was quite high but I'm back to normal now and I really do hope you guys liked this chapter as it was a very long time coming and was super long and frustrating to write, especially because my laptop kept bugging out and shutting down on me for a while (I lost OVER HALF OF THIS FUCKING CHAPTER TWICE AND REWROTE IT BOTH TIMES) so yeah. I'll see y'all in the next chapter love y'all byeeeeeeeeee!
> 
>  EDIT 2019/10/11 @12:31AM  
> JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN A BITCH. I have a new respect for writers as a whole because this shit is driving me absolutely insane! My computer is still acting up and my summer was interrupted by school (my summer break was literally only two weeks long) and life is fucking hectic. I am so sorry for making everyone wait so long for this new chapter and I'm sorry it's so short but hopefully it's much better quality than my last chapters. I might put out a few short chapters in the next few months because my current plan of writing MONSTER chapters like my fanfic idols just isn't going to work for me yet as I'm too impatient of a person. I wish I could just hook my brain up to a machine that would write it for me....  
> Anyway, I hope you like it and reviews are always appreciated.
> 
> **JUST ANOTHER QUICK DISCLAIMER:**  
>  SOME PARTS OF THIS STORY INCLUDE ENTIRE PARAGRAPHS AND SOMETIMES EVEN WHOLE PAGES TAKEN WORD-FOR-WORD FROM THE SOURCE MATERIAL THAT ARE THEN REFORMATTED TO PAST TENSE. I DO NOT CLAIM ANY OWNERSHIP OF THESE PORTIONS NOR DO I CLAIM ANY OWNERSHIP OF THE HUNGER GAMES UNIVERSE. I OWN ONLY THE PARTS I'VE ADDED AS WELL AS PART OF THE PLOT OF THIS FIC.  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys gals and non-binary pals! I hope y'all enjoyed the first chapter and I'd love to hear what you thought about it! As of right now (Jan 30th 2019) I'm recovering from having my wisdom teeth removed, so I'm pretty hopped up on painkillers and antibiotics and that can really fuck with my writing. I'm doing my best to write as much as I can but at this moment my life is "write high, edit sober" so it might take a bit to really get things going.  
> I'm really excited about this fic as it's my first multi-chapter story ever and I freaking LOVE the Hunger Games series for the endless opportunities it presents for writing violent, fucked-up shit because I'm insane XD  
> Also, I can say right off the bat that my posting schedule is going to be super sporadic because of life and school. I'm a student nurse, with two part-time jobs, and my boyfriend and I are looking for a new apartment so we might be moving house in the next few months. That being said, I'm currently off of school until Feb 8th and will be a part-time student until around April, when I officially start going back to school full-time. I promise that I won't abandon this story, but it might have to go on hiatus every so often. I promise that if it does happen, I'll stick a note in the summary and at the end of the latest chapter, with an estimate of when I'll be back.  
> Anyway, comments and kudos are always appreciated, and I hope y'all're having a lovely day!  
>  _-Love Avery_
> 
> EDIT: Y'all, right now for me it's like 2AM on Jan 2 2019 and I'm looking over this fic in preview mode and I get to this note and I see "Wisdom teeth" and "hopped up on painkillers" and in my head I'm like "lol me too ain't that crazy" and then i realized that this. is. my. fucking. note. i just "so relateable lol"d at my own shit someone kill me


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